welcome to Dattner HQ. as you can see, the facility is state-of-the-art. we’ve installed a warehouse full of brand new humor coils powered by a monster v12 engine, three edit bays, mirrors in the bathroom, a comprehensive character integration module, a swedish chef translator, a library wing full of discarded hats dedicated to Marlo Thomas, and a flux capacitor. and a restaurant with the best chocolate mousse cake in the galaxy. and one of those pools filled with those colored plastic balls.
i’ve been hired as a creative consultant to STREAMLINE the company and right-size the on-board staff. as you can see, we’re pumping out ideas day and night. the company’s value, steadily rising, is preparing for an IPO tantamount to google’s. there are plans for a bubble gum line, a solo show, a pacifier that looks like wax lips, and several films. she’s also recently been added to the world’s largest FILM DATABASE (http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0485502).
this month, Dattner will be performing in a record number of standup shows. higly recommended is the FEB 22 show at the MAKEOUT ROOM. we here at HQ truly appreciate your tireless work. you’ve earned this raise.
thank you for your time-space,
creative consultant, unlimited, ltd.
standup is running out! stick your finger in the comedy dike!
“Comedy: The Other Black Gold”
monsters. menches. villains. cokeheads. gamers. slumlords. i’ve seen it all in my short time on this roundish rock. the following are simply some guidelines:
1) disregard some guidelines and go straight to the show listings
2) always keep a flashlight and a pocket knife handy
3) know rhymes about snakes plants liquor and sea-weather
4) discover whether you are “mono” or “poly” (this covers gods and sex as well as glycerides and esters)
5) do at least one thing too much
7) duck (now!)
8) attend live performance early and often…
(and go ahead, visit www.monkpunk.org)
[i just returned from new york where i had a great set at HA! COMEDY CLUB (featured in the New Yorker, la ti da). my film (with all new audio remastering by lars hidde) is screening sunday in the SANTA CRUZ FILM FEST. it just won BEST COMEDY SHORT in the bare bones international film fest. fall circus plans persist. book a show (“The Latest Show on Earth”) anywhere in the country with sibley meyer… [email protected]]
double header! this thursday i’ll be hosting comedy & chaos at the blue danube and then i dash over to the ODEON where i, the illustrious dattner, host KOSTUME KARAOKE! we provide the costumes, you provide the stupidity. very cheap beer. very much fun. see me in a whole new light (i. e. the dark). you’ve heard of hit-or-miss. this is hit-and-miss. this is a must. a don’t-miss. an every-week-i-am-in-attendance. trust me.