welcome to Dattner HQ. as you can see, the facility is state-of-the-art. we’ve installed a warehouse full of brand new humor coils powered by a monster v12 engine, three edit bays, mirrors in the bathroom, a comprehensive character integration module, a swedish chef translator, a library wing full of discarded hats dedicated to Marlo Thomas, and a flux capacitor. and a restaurant with the best chocolate mousse cake in the galaxy. and one of those pools filled with those colored plastic balls.
i’ve been hired as a creative consultant to STREAMLINE the company and right-size the on-board staff. as you can see, we’re pumping out ideas day and night. the company’s value, steadily rising, is preparing for an IPO tantamount to google’s. there are plans for a bubble gum line, a solo show, a pacifier that looks like wax lips, and several films. she’s also recently been added to the world’s largest FILM DATABASE (http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0485502).
this month, Dattner will be performing in a record number of standup shows. higly recommended is the FEB 22 show at the MAKEOUT ROOM. we here at HQ truly appreciate your tireless work. you’ve earned this raise.
thank you for your time-space,
creative consultant, unlimited, ltd.