warning: this post is devastatingly earnest.
several times a day i am inspired by fresh, irresistible ideas for new projects. i usually pick the most delicious one and spin it into a multi-faceted project requiring lots of time, energy, money, and people to execute it. i run with it for a week, two weeks, discuss and develop it with my friends and creative partners. asses its potential for inspiring people, bring joy, developing my portfilo or sense of self, and financial viability.
i get a really intense high from dreaming up new shit to do. at one point in my life, i got frustrated with my inability to follow through on everything i thought of. i kind of gave up. i felt awkward and kind of embarrassed about the things i developed with people but didn't finish, and didn't want to be someone who broke promises. i didn't want to commit to anything. over a number of years, my high anxiety about deciding which things to do morphed into my imagining that i couldn't actually do them. but at some point, my world began to bloom again, and still i want to do everything.
i want to do standup, make movies, write books, have kids, do a solo show, act in films, do improv, paint, make pottery, help people grow and feel alive, and yet as i get older, i become more and more aware that i don't have time to do EVERYTHING.
so how do we choose what's really important and what's not? and how do we enjoy just being alive enough that what we're doing matters less than how we're doing it? which people let us feel that way and which people distract us from what's really important? which activities? which environments? which governments? which foods?