I did a set tonight in Morgan Hill, California.?? Far far away from, well, anything it seems.?? I'm very uninterested in political material, partly because I never feel as informed as I'd like to be to back up my arguments, partly because it's annoying to talk about something that I care about and find out who the Republicans are in the audience.?? Then I wonder what they're thinking of me, and if they're thinking as poorly of my opinions as I am of theirs, and in general it's just unpleasant.?? So I did some of my new material about my trip to India and meditating, and it went incredibly well in a room mostly full of Christian Republicans.?? They had fun, I had fun.?? They heckled, I heckled back.?? People always apologize to me after shows where they heckle me.?? Like somehow we're old buddies.?? Ok.?? Be my buddy.?? Fine.?? But so I was surprised that my material, which is designed for a room full of new agey spiritual types actually went over with the straight crowd.?? Good to be doing standup again.
You caught me with my morals down.Â I’m another relieved armchair liberal.Â Yes, I’m going to keep buying organic produce, turning off the faucet when my boyfriend leaves it on for no reason, and only recycling paper bags by putting bottles and paper in them to transfer them to the recycling bin.Â And I’m breathing a sigh of relief that maybe the next four years won’t be as terrifying as the last eight have been.Â Did you read the salon.com article about how the Gen-X’ers are sorry for hating on the Boomers?Â It was great.Â And, yes, I do feel a swell of hope–hope that Barack will lead us, unite us, bring understanding and dialogue within the country as well as around the world.
I have hope that the crumbling of financial institutions lead to the kind of dissillusionment that real truth and real care for the land and people we need.Â I have hope that the rise in oil prices will finally spark the development of alternative energy sources–that someday soon, they won’t be “alternative” sources–that solar and wind power will be the plain-old, everyday way we power up (kind of like when alternative music became mainstream and everybody in tenth grade, even the jocks, were listening to the cure and pearl jam and dying their hair black and this turned high school upside down.)Â I want to turn high school upside down.
You caught me with my morals down.?? I'm another relieved armchair liberal.?? Yes, I'm going to keep buying organic produce, turning off the faucet when my boyfriend leaves it on for no reason, and only recycling paper bags by putting bottles and paper in them to transfer them to the recycling bin.?? And I'm breathing a sigh of relief that maybe the next four years won't be as terrifying as the last eight have been.?? Did you read the salon.com article about how the Gen-X'ers are sorry for hating on the Boomers??? It was great.?? And, yes, I do feel a swell of hope–hope that Barack will lead us, unite us, bring understanding and dialogue within the country as well as around the world.
I have hope that the crumbling of financial institutions lead to the kind of dissillusionment that real truth and real care for the land and people we need.?? I have hope that the rise in oil prices will finally spark the development of alternative energy sources–that someday soon, they won't be "alternative" sources–that solar and wind power will be the plain-old, everyday way we power up (kind of like when alternative music became mainstream and everybody in tenth grade, even the jocks, were listening to the cure and pearl jam and dying their hair black and this turned high school upside down.)?? I want to turn high school upside down.
I just saw the brilliant video of Tina Fey as Sarah Palin from Saturday Night Life.Â First of all, Tina Fey was way hotter than Palin, and way funnier.Â Secondly, Tina would make a way-better about-to-be-president than Sarah.Â I read recently in an article from Naomi Wolf that several reputable dermatologists have said McCain currently has a virulent and life-threatening form of skin cancer.Â They say he’s really only got two to four years to live.Â And if it’s two years, that makes Sarah (Makes Me) Pale a very likely default US President.Â This is a woman who thinks baby Jesus cries when you wear a condom.Â A woman who tried to have books banned from a local library.Â A woman who’s attended a church since she was 12, whose preacher even thinks George W. Bush is going to hell.Â (W. is too liberal for Palin???)Â A woman who is the next figurehead for Karl Rove and Dick Cheney’s reign of terror.Â A woman who cut Alaska’s funding for teen moms (and is anti-choice, and thinks abstinence should be the only sex education we give kids in schools.)Â What does she expect all these teen moms to go?Â Perhaps she could invite them to stay at her house, and have a slumber party with Bristol and her baby?Â And they could watch Saturday Night Live–oh, wait, maybe not such a good idea with Tina Fey in the picture.Â
So here’s what happened: John McCain launched an internet attack ad against Barack Obama suggesting Obama is not a suitable presidential candidate because he’s as empty a celebrity as Paris Hilton.Â So, Adam McKay thought it would be funny if Paris Hilton ran for president, with the comedy logic that an intellectually capable Paris would nullilfy and make ridiculous McCain’s attack. (Pardon me for explaining the joke.)
So, Adam wrote a presidential candidacy announcement, got Paris on board and they shot it this week.Â It’s the first time Paris really speaks publicly with any substance whatsoever, and she pulls it off pretty well.Â But really, Adam McKay?Â Your ghostwriting has Paris suggest an energy policy that’s a “combination of McCain’s and Obama’s” in which we do drill for offshore oil (McCain’s idea) “safely” (McKay’s idea) which will sustain us until we sufficiently develop alternative energy sources (Obama’s idea.)
First off, the idea of safe offshore drilling is dubious at best; no oil drilling is free of leaks, accidents, etc, and many of those problems are never made public.Â Secondly, any offshore drilling started now won’t yield oil for another twenty to forty years–how does that sustain us or reduce gas prices now?Â Thirdly, we’ve already got a host of alternative energies that are ready for development; this is the time to change.Â LA Times journalist Carol Williams reported Schwarzenegger as saying, “Anyone who tells you [offshore drilling] would bring down gas prices any time soon is blowing smoke.”
If we don’t shift our energy use to alternative fuels in twenty to forty years, we’ll be much more likely to be gearing up to fight China for the oil left in the Middle East.Â Our offshore oil should really be saved for the the next hudred generations of people, or sadly, saved in the case that we end up, say, waring with China for a hundred years, which would undoubtedly be directly or indirectly caused by fear and scarcity over resources.
So, thanks, Adam, for the good intentions, but it’d be funnier if Paris slammed down a hardcore energy policy instead of a hollywood one.
Handy-Dandy Energy Facts that Suggest Alternative Fuel Development is a Better Idea than Offshore Drilling:Â US Vehicle turnover rate: 15 years
US Average age of vehicles: 9 years
Soonest possible time we’ll get any US offshore oil: 7 years
Number of oil spills for offshore drilling off the Texas coast: 187 spills of MORE THAN 2100 gallons between 1981 – 2005. That’s AT LEAST 392,000 gallons of crude oil, or roughly 16,000 gallons spilled every year.
With the US average vehicle age of 9.2 years, and average turnover rate of 15 years, in the time it takes to see any benefit from offshore drilling, we could be halfway to a green energy car fleet — which would drop the demand for oil and have the same price benefit for those still driving gasoline cars as increasing the supply of gasoline! (If that doesn’t make any sense to you, folks, please, PLEASE, go take an Economics 101 class at your local community college, or read Naked Economics by Charles Wheelan or Freakonomics by Levitt and Dubner.)